On September 24, 2008 at 3:54 am a little angel was born at just 23 weeks gestational age. The pregnancy suffered complications for 3 weeks. Which almost resulted in not only one death but two. She was a very tiny but precious soul. She hung on to life for 26 minutes, which the doctors say was impossible. She did not have any breathing tubes, ivs, nor was she ever ressusitated. We knew if God wanted her to stay on earth she will without medical interventions. The doctors knew they could not do anything for her. Her organs including the brain were not developed enough to survive outside the womb. Her cause of death was prematurity, which was caused by separation on the placenta from the uterine wall. She waited for her daddy to come into the room. He wasn't allowed to be in there with me because they tried to do an emergency C-Section. I her mother, remember barely clinging on to life. I was very scared, because I never had a premature baby before. Even though I knew the risks I still had faith my baby girl was going to be just fine. I never thought she would die and I would never get to see her again. The first time I saw my baby girl was when they were taking me back to my room. They put her in my face I asked if she as alright. They informed me she had already passed. I have very vague memories about the birth. I believe in a in and out of consciousness. The hospital was great with my recovery process. They allowed me to have her in my room anytime I wanted to bond with her. I feel very thankful because this allowed me to make many memories with her even though she was passed. I have lots of pictures of her and with her. My friends and family also got to hold her and bond with her as well. This time helped me to have closure now in my life. I am at peace with her death. I miss her everyday, a part of me is gone forever. It's 2 years later and I still cry and suffer from nightmares, anxiety, and depression. All of this is normal it is part of the grieving process. Unfortunately, I was aware of how a childs funeral goes becasue we have a few family friends who have lost a child. Nothing could have prepared me to see my own child at her funeral. People wonder how can you have a funeral for someone who had no life. Well it makes for a short and simple viewing and graveside service. The worst part was putting dirt on top of her casket. I knew I would never see her again. At that point Kathy came to me and held my hand and told me it would be ok. Thank God she did that because I had visions of grabbing her and running far, far away. I could not handle the fact I will never see my baby girl. Kathy bought me a very special book that I read when the grief has the best of me. It helps me to realize life after death is so much better for her. This helps me to not be selfish and celebrate the new everlasting life she now has. This was very hard for me to write so, I hope if you have recently lost a baby my story will help you and inspire you. To all the mothers and fathers who have lost a child you are not alone. There are lots of us, we don't realize it until it happens to us.
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